THE THREE WAYS THAT WE CHANGE

With New Year and the potential for New Starts behind us, it is worthwhile considering the three ways that we change.

  • Drift
  • Design
  • Disaster

Drift is the most common. For better or worse, things happen to us and the time we don’t know the impact they will have – we are told about a job and apply for it as nothing else is on obvious offer and it turns out to be the beginning of a whole career that we love, we keep on dating someone because he seems OK and there are no other options at the time and we end up marrying him.  Drift isn’t even undesirable thing, it’s inevitable that some things in our life will be those that we have drifted into – it’s just random and gradual and the consequences are unpredictable.

Disaster is the thing that nobody gets through their life without experiencing at least once. Someone who we had planned to spend our life with leaves, the diagnosis is positive, loved ones die and we are thrown into turmoil.  And as a result we are forced to examine our lives, our behaviours, our attitudes and values – and we change because it becomes impossible to continue in our old ways.

The middle way, and maybe the most personally satisfying is Design. We look at what we want to change, we make a plan, and we follow it through. We get the degree, we lose the weight, we advance our career, we put ourselves out there and make new friends.  And we get to experience the satisfaction of achievement and moving forward. Or, we get to see that maybe we didn’t want the thing after all, or that something different is what we really want.  Either way we have taken some control over our own destiny.

Self-coaching works in this area. The essence is simple.

  1. We figure out what we want
  2. We decide on Action Steps to get there
  3. We try the steps out
  4. If they work, we do more of them, if they don’t we re-adjust our course.

Simple but not always easy.  In the coming weeks I will discuss the process of self-coaching in more detail.  Although you can’t control everything in your life, you will learn the steps of influencing what you can, and creating more of the life that you want.

 

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