From Fixing Ourselves to Trusting Ourselves

Many of us who are interested in creating our best life start with the idea that there is something wrong with us that needs to be fixed.

This belief can impact many of our actions, thoughts and feelings without us being consciously aware of it.

A more useful and accurate belief is that deep down we actually do know what we need but sometimes need help in drawing that out.

Then we need to trust what we discover and take practical steps to make this happen.

We go from:

What should I do? How do I fix myself?
   to
I know what I want and need. How do I get clearer on that and take my next steps?

We start to trust ourselves and we trust the process of our inner knowing.

What can help with this process through a very simple process called “Focusing’. Here we focus in an open-minded way, on the body’s sense of a situation. We learn to:

  • listen to the information that is just below our conscious awareness
  • to bring it to light and think clearly about it
  • to decide what if anything, it means in terms of actions.

As an example, a client was looking for a new job. The type of job that she thought she wanted was in a high profile, ‘glamorous’ area. The way she thought she needed to fix herself was to promote and present herself as a person who fitted into that scene. As she focused on her body sense of the situation, it became clear to her that the reason she wanted this style of job, was to prove to ‘friends’ who had ignored her at one point, that she was worthwhile and part of their social set.

What she really wanted was a low key job that would enable her to have a peaceful life and allow her to spend time with her young family.

Her next steps then became clearer – focus her search criteria on jobs that were part time and in areas that are not as frenetic as the high profile jobs.

Allowing herself to listen to her subconscious revealed the desire that was in harmony with what she truly wanted, not one which allowed her to fit in with people who weren’t really important to her anyway.

The lesson? Forget about fixing yourself, rather ask what it is you truly want, then take actions that will move you toward this authentic desire.

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